Sex therapist Amanda Robb answers your questions

Recently, my girlfriends and I were out for dinner and the conversation turned to how often we are all ‘doing it’ with our partners. I was shocked at how frequently my friends are having sex compared to my husband and I, who have sex a couple of times a month if we’re lucky. It’s left me wondering, how much sex in a relationship is normal?  – Emma, NSW

When it comes to sex within relationships, you’d be surprised how many people wonder if they are keeping up with the Jones’. What is not surprising is that your girlfriends and you all have varied sexual appetites and considerations regarding what is a healthy amount of sex. Sex or relationship therapists are often reluctant to quantify how much sex qualifies a sex life as ‘normal’, but some may suggest having sex once or twice a week is pretty average.

The 2007 Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey demonstrated just how vast the differences in frequency can be. The study of 26,000 people in 26 countries showed that while 87 per cent of Greeks had sex weekly, just 34 per cent of Japanese respondents managed a session a week. Australians were in the middle, with 60 per cent of respondents reporting weekly sex, but interestingly, only 42 per cent of those were sexually satisfied.

If your own sex life is not meeting these statistics it does not mean your relationship is inadequate. Most couples develop their happy medium by uncovering their opposite’s personal sex drive and how their libidos align. The couple having sex four times a month can be just as ‘normal’ as the couple having this amount in a week as long as both partners are sexually satisfied. All sex within couples has an ebb and flow dependent on factors such as exhaustion, stress, expectations, health and available time. However, if your reality is starting to lag behind your will, talk to your partner about why. It may just take a bit of tweaking to find a frequency that satisfies you both.

Amanda Robb is a sex therapist at Sydney Sex Therapy. Visit

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