When the initial passion/lust fades in a relationship, it’s not time to panic. The ship isn’t sinking and your heart will go on, says psychologist Meredith Fuller.
“Research indicates that the initial passion, which encompasses high levels of sexual tension, lasts anywhere from six months to two years and then transmutes into other feelings,” says psychologist Meredith Fuller. “So many people then make the mistake of thinking that the passion has gone, it’s boring, so they throw him away and get someone new. And they keep repeating the pattern.”
But it is this new stage where the greater passion lies, argues Fuller.
“Sexual interest is a passionate thing, of course, but it’s far from the only passion that exists between two people in love,” she says. “As you grow together, more powerful feelings engage you and there is much deeper passion to be had.”
However, you do need to be careful that you don’t get stuck in the big passion killer: the dreaded rut. The longer you allow your relationship to stay there, the harder it is to rekindle the passion.
Change is good!
“After you have addressed any unresolved issues, you need to look at changing predictable routines, especially when it comes to your social life and your sex life,” says Dr Jo Lamble, psychologist and author of Answers to everyday questions about relationships.
“How long has it been since you and your husband had a good laugh together? When did you last have some fun? Start spending some quality time together again – whether that means going out on some old-fashioned dates or getting away for a night every six months or so. Work out what makes you laugh. Do something that you used to do years ago – ten-pin bowling or going to a funpark or a nightclub.”
Bull recommends going on a ‘hot date night’ at least every two weeks.
“This is something I insist on for couples,” she says. “I remember one couple said they didn’t have any money to go on a hot date night. I said ‘then go parking instead’.”