Q. My boyfriend of five years has no problem getting sexually aroused but there are times he is unable to orgasm. He’s always telling me it’s not my fault, but the more it happens, the more I worry it is. Is there anything either one of us can do? – Tracey, NSW

Amanda Robb - Sex therapist - Women's Health & Fitness


When it comes to male sexuality, one of the biggest myths is that men are always capable of achieving an orgasm. Let me assure you that this is far from the truth. Recent statistics show that 25 per cent of Australian men reported erectile dysfunction, with an overall 150 million men affected worldwide.

Anorgasmia (the inability to orgasm) can be caused by various factors. Anxiety, depression, work or financial stressors, the use of porn as a masturbatory method (and its frequency), consumption of prescribed or recreational drugs and alcohol, and physical health can all cause erectile dysfunction.

For both of you, this issue can bring up all kinds of insecurities in your relationship, so it’s important that you support each other while dealing with it. It’s not actually about being anyone’s fault, but the fault of the situation.

Pick a time outside of the bedroom to talk about it, and invite your boyfriend to share his thoughts as to why it’s happening, and what he thinks can be done. When engaging in sexual activity, make it about the foreplay and the intimate connection you share and not about reaching climax. Performance anxiety can go hand in hand with erectile dysfunction, only making the situation more difficult for him, so take the pressure off and encourage him to focus on pleasing you. I would also encourage your boyfriend to visit his GP to rule out any medical concerns.

Amanda Robb (pictured) is a sex therapist at Sydney Sex Therapy.

Next: Find out how to improve your sex life for the long term. 

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