Is weight gain ruining your sex life?
Dating and body language expert Katia Loisel-Furey answers your problems
Q. Ever since I’ve put on weight, I’ve felt terrible and I’m scared my partner no longer finds me attractive. I’m working out like crazy, but he doesn’t seem to notice and when I mention my fat legs, he says that he loves me and my body, but I’m not convinced.
A. When you’re feeling lousy and can’t bear the sight of yourself carrying those extra kilos it’s easy to assume that your partner feels the same way. But in the game of love, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and just because you don’t love your body at the moment, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t.
In fact, the good news is that when it comes to our faults, love is blind…literally. Research shows that the more he loves you the more attractive you become in his eyes and the less likely he is to notice your faults…that is unless you keep pointing them out.
Men are visual creatures, but when it comes to finding and keeping love, looks aren’t the be all and end all for most guys. Sure, your beauty may be one of the things that got his attention, but it’s not what he fell in love with and it’s not what’s really important.
So what do guys really look for when it comes to love?
In a study that asked men to rate what they looked for in a long-term partner, men rated personality, sense of humour, intelligence and common interests as more important than looks*.
What he fell in love with was your personality, the way you connected emotionally and physically, and the way you made him feel – putting on a few extra kilos isn’t going to change that. The question is, are you still acting like the person he fell in love with? Constantly complaining and focusing on the things you don’t love about yourself isn’t just bad for your self-esteem, stress levels and mood, it’s also bad for your relationship because it affects the very thing he fell in love with – your personality.
As women, we can be our own harshest critics, especially when it comes to our weight. But the truth is that 63% of guys like curves*. Guys don’t always swap compliments the way most women do, but they do say what they mean. So if he’s telling you that he loves you and your body, he means it. Instead of throwing it back at him, or reading into it, say ‘thank you’ and take it as a reminder of just how fantastic you are and how much he truly loves you.
Katia is a dating and body language expert, TV host, coach and author of How To Get The Man You Want. howtogettheoneyouwant.com
*Real People – Real Answers, Dating Study: Flirting, Dating, Sex and Love – What Men Really Want